POWER SHIFT There was a time in my life when I begged and I pleaded I swallowed my pride, and many times, I conceded To your whims, fits and tantrums, not giving thought to what I’ve been through Anything to stay on your good side I surrendered and I’ve given in to Hoping to access the love that you told me was mine But I guess what they say is true, it’s a wicked generation that seeks a sign And even sadder are those who don’t see the sign, walking around with blinders on I was so sprung and so whipped, I couldn’t see you doing wrong And when I did catch you slippin’, and could have ranted, raved and flipped You knew you had me wrapped around your finger; went on and flipped the script And just to keep you in my life … just to make life livable I went ahead and did the unthinkable … I forgave the unforgiveable You gave me enough just to pacify me and to sooth my angry side To, once again, take me on an emotional roller coaster ride Sending me through ups and downs; the twist and turns, and unintended pitches and rolls Looking for you when you weren’t home … going out on patrols It seemed the more I begged and pleaded the more cruel you became The things I gave in to and condoned added to the shame Of a man who traded his self esteem for an emotional attachment borne out of sex That turned into an abusive relationship that for me, grew more and more complex I would have fits and nervous breakdowns when you decided not to come home I would have panic attacks and other ailments when you decided to leave me alone My heart would long for you so bad that my grey skies never cleared The changes I went through with your selfish love, my smile disappeared The tears I shed in my pillow case flowed until my eyes were dry You gotta’ figure that you’ve really hurt a real man if you made him cry But I never showed you my tears, simply out of sheer contempt I would never let you see that side of my humanity, of which none were exempt I grew to hate the woman I fell in love with, but I loved you all the same My mind, body and soul would go through instant extremes at the mention of your name I had all but lost myself in trying to satisfy your love, in all that a desperate man does I was but steps away in losing the identity of the man that I was One day it dawned on me as if a special delivery just arrived My begging and pleading was the source of power from which you derived Your cruelty and control, your mean-streak and wicked ways That brought about so many tears that my eyes glossed over in a glaze I stared into space recounting what I was putting in versus what was getting out And really, really thinking what this relationship was all about For you, it was convenience, a place to stay and rest your head For me, it was love and an intimacy that went unspoken and unsaid It was then that I stopped begging for what you said was mine And for a minute, you continued to throw your tantrums and whine Then after a while the whining turned into accusations of not being true to you Then the accusations turned into terms of endearment with phrases like “I love you boo” With the utmost contempt for your wicked ways I offered no response Even when your terms of endearments turned into juvenile tempered taunts And when there was no response to the taunting, and no listening to reason As it was with Satan tempting Jesus, you ran and left me for a season It seems now you’re the one begging and pleading for the affection that was once yours But to al the things you represent … I just simply closed my doors You’re of no consequence to me now that I’ve grown a thick skin to your attack Now that I’ve stopped begging and pleading, I’ve gotten my power back A fact that dawned on you when you returned, and thought it strange When you found that you couldn’t get back in, you knew there was a change Though you tried to appeal with the utmost sincerity and many tears you would churn Met with a closed door and a deaf ear you realized soon enough that you could not return I heard your cries and felt your pain; I even felt the depths of your soul My heart went out to your pleas and on my former self would’ve taken it’s toll But every time I heard and saw you my mind toggled like a switch I could hear my thoughts saying “My Baby” but even louder “That ***!” There was a definite shift in power, more and more I was seeing At stake, the battle for my personal happiness and emotional well being A definite test and trial … a lesson I learned the hard way A power shift, tipping the balance of power, shaping me into the man I am today Written by: Charles (a.k.a. K-JiO) © 2008